Monthly Archives: August 2010

Today

All things rush on, they stop not, they look not behind, no power can hold them back, they rush on.
-Tagore

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Jagged Edge

While I don’t make a habit of watching 1985 courtroom dramas, I am not above watching them. The cynical, you see, are an easily entertained lot.

This evening’s selection is Jagged Edge, featuring Glenn Close before she even began to look like the Cruella De Vil of my childhood.

I am first riveted by a sweeping panorama of the Golden Gate Bridge. I have the distinct feeling that this film might be taking place in California.

Content with my powers of deduction, a creeping horror begins to possess me. A crime drama opening with that particular bridge?

“Don’t jump, don’t jump!” I cry. Remembering the “crime” part, I modify my exclamations. “And don’t push anyone, either!”

My fears are allayed. The serene scene ends with a segue-way to a real murder scene in a house. I particularly appreciate the eighties flair to the soundtrack, which allows me to glance unconcernedly at the screen. The music makes me laugh enough to shake off the fear of the bridge whilst also reassuring me that the real location of the dreaded murder is to be here.

Now don’t laugh, this is serious. The crime scene is a triple homicide. One woman, two hairdo’s.

The movie continues for a bit. I swear I see a cameo of Donald Trump’s toupee. I think one woman is exceptionally dense. She lets a murderer, whom she is defending, woo her. I guess she believes him when he says something like “Baby, now why would a nice guy like me stab a rich heiress woman like my wife?” He thinks she’s drop-dead gorgeous. I think brains aren’t part of her accessories today.

The murder trial ensues. I am struck a bit by how the judge is quiet a lot when women lawyers say something matter-of-factly, and how nice the courtroom is. Geez, if you’re going to get sentenced, it ought at least be someplace grand and official-looking like that.

More stupid things happen. One thing leads to another and . . . jury declares “not guilty.” Now, I’m not stupid. I’ve seen Double Jeopardy and Fracture and The Princess Bride. A murderer can’t be charged with the same crime twice and good endings are inevitable.

So stupid woman (I don’t know her name or a better adjective) is at happy murderer’s house and finds a typewriter that she knows links him to the murder for realz! ::gasp::

So she does what anyone else would do. She frantically dashes with the evidence to her car in a panic and goes home. When her bloodthirsty new beaux decides to call and check on her, she spills and tells him she knows he’s a dirty liar (and murderer).

At this point, mom tells me she remembers seeing this in the theatre, and the next scene is the one where everyone screamed.

Interested, I sit up as killer dude breaks into the house with a ski mask to take out stupid lady.

Luuuurch. The TVO record reverts to the credits. I guess we can blame our brief power outage a couple days ago. MLIA.

I walk out of the room, feeling a bit jagged and edgy myself. I know in my heart stupid woman has a smart moment and pulls a gun to solve in self defense what the law cannot, but now I will never know the secret to her hair.


A Quick Visit North

Last week I made my first visit to Canada for a very auspicious occasion: the marriage of my dear friend Molly Green to Ty Broomer. I had a great time with Molly and her family in the days leading up to the ceremony and reception. The week flew by, and the next thing I knew, I was sitting on an airplane armed with nothing but my handy [PC] netbook, newly stickered with an Apple logo to make me feel better. I decided to play a video I happened to have stored on the computer, but after turning up the volume completely with earphones, I understood that the computer was just as inferior as I had suspected. The whirring of turbulence was my only reward. Resolved not to pretend I was deaf, I prepared to shut down the disappointing device. But then–like all epiphanies–I was struck with an idea that seemed really good at the time. I would write down some random things about my trip. Inadvertently, my friends, I had Created the very Muse who has been avoiding me for so many weeks. Ladies and Gentlemen: my first real, slightly nonacademic blog entry. You may applaud.

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Why my flight experience was especially wonderful:

*A pilot named Captain Smith.

*Reading the book “How to Say it Right in Arabic” in an airport.

*Clueless Emergency Exit Guy:

Flight Attendent: “You’re my exit row, willing and able to assist?
Guy: [Pause.]
Attendent: “–In an emergency?”
Guy: “Uh.”
[Pause.]
Guy: “Yeah.”

Well, I’m reassured, aren’t you?

*Twice I had an empty seat next to me. Who am I that the gods favor me thus!?

——<><><>——

Cool things I discovered:

* The Edmonton mall is a magical kingdom.

*There’s no such thing as too much bass in a car.

*Two rainbows are better than one.

*It is not possible to alter the appearance of LED light, only intensity.

*Small battery operated tealights look amazing when affixed with pipe-cleaner inside Chinese lanterns in a dark room.

*My capacity for nicknames is nigh unsurpassable. Popular this week: Wendolyn, Windex, Molly’s Friend.

*Sitting at a head table is an experience no one should go a lifetime without. To survey and to have a right to do so is fascinating.

*Little in life is simple; any who says differently is thinking simply.

*Swing dancing is fun! Subnote: If a song has nothing going for it, interpretative dance is the appropriate response.

*People that watch Brian Regan are cooler than those who do not..

*Canadian life and culture seems consistent with other cold climate cultures, leaning more towards the individual versus the collective, the industrial versus the agricultural, and the secular versus the religious. Numerous exceptions exist, of course, but the point remains.

——<><><>——

Things I find endearing about Canada:

*They drink hot tea.

*Two words: Maple leaf.

*The ever-pleasant sounding, “eh?”

*The weather. Why sweat when you can go there?

*Less fear of the outdoors.

*European influences in terminology (“serviette,” “washroom”), foods (whole packaged butter, types of bread, etc, etc.), etc. . . .

* . . . AEROBARS!!!

*People there can actually tell that I have a southern accent.

*Why rush when you can brake?

*Why play basketball when you can slide around on ice and whack a hockey puck?

*Fries and gravy. Holy Toronto it makes so much sense! (The Canadians of my acquaintance insist I specify “poutine.”)

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New Flavors:

Ukrainian crepes with ricotta and orange sauce or raspberry coolie.

Watermelon salad with basil.

Lingon berry flavoring with ginger ale and frozen orange or lemonade mix.

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Sounds

These two songs were featured in Molly and Ty’s wedding ceremony. Saya suka!

(I should mention that the wedding party, of which I was part, actually danced off the stage to this one. EPICALLY awesome.)